Indecisiveness a slow poison that kills productivity. What’s the antidote?

Have you ever, or are you often indecisive about things? What to do next, what to eat, where to
go? I came to recognize this pattern of not being able to just move forward sometimes with
things that I perceived as being big decisions, without having a substantial amount of hesitancy
and back and forth in my mind about what to decide. The back and forth chitter chatter in my
mind about whether I would later regret having made the decision. But what I came to realize
was that while I’m have this internal discussion in my own head; nothing is getting done and
time is ticking. What begins as the inability to decide, inadvertently becomes a decision to do
nothing. I wanted to do a thing but, on some level, I am hesitant to move forward because of
fear. Fear of regret, fear of failure, fear of not having all the information I need to make a wise
decision, fear of making the wrong choice. Fear, at least in my case; is the root cause for not
simply deciding and moving on to the next step. Let me be more specific usually this
indecisiveness kicks in when I need to spend money that I could save, use to pay bills, or some
other cause that would be a benefit to others. I get indecisive when I want or need to spend
money on myself. Why is that? I know what I want, but why do I hesitate or try to talk myself
out of doing good things for myself?
Here’s an example of a recent dilemma I encountered while we were staying home during the
covid pandemic: I have a small patio that is made with pavers, it’s old and is starting to settle so
I want to remove the pavers and have concrete put in. The concrete will give me a new solid
patio and eliminate me having to pull weeds every week that are now growing in between the
pavers. Sounds easy enough. I did my due diligence and collected several bids for the job and
have settled one a company to do the work. However, I got stuck. I could not pull the trigger
and just le the company come get the work done. Summer has now ended, and fall is
approaching. I could have been enjoying my new patio this summer had I just made the
decision.
The problem: Well, for one, we are in the middle of a pandemic. My responsible mind tells me
that times are hard, I may need that money down the road to pay bills. I am afraid to spend
money on something that feels frivolous outside. If this were a water heater or a plumbing issue,
I would have no hesitation to fix it. But it is outside; a new patio does not feel detrimental to the
running of my home. Although, the current patio is an eye sore; especially when I do not have
time or the energy to pull the weeds growing in between unsettled pavers. It’s an eye sore that I
will have to commit to keeping clear of weeds until next spring if I don’t act now. My bills are
paid right now, spending this money to install new concrete will not detract from me paying my
bills next month.
So how do I move forward? I sat still for a moment and imagined myself having what I want
and pay attention to how I felt. With a new patio I feel proud that my yard is no longer “that
yard” that looks unkept or run down because the patio is unsightly, especially when I do not go
out and pull the weeds. I also feel incredibly pleased that by updating the patio that I freed